I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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