I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the day after is always just damage control
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
