So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
