I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
