God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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