Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
