I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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