He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
