Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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