duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
