To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
