Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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