He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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