I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
