My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
