Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
