she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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