Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
