All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
