i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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