Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
