My friends, they love my intelligence
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
