We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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