Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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