So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
