I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
