somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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