They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
