I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
