My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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