i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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