Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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