He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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