Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the condom got lost in my hair
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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