her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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