she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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