cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
