I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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