I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
