And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We're too hungover to prance.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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