i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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