He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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