Ambien. No doubt about it.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
