i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This house was built for laser tag.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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