just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
