i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
