I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
