I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
