is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
where am i from again
This is the prime rib incident all over again
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
