Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
this boner is exhausting
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
