4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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