Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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