I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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