I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
