"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I wear drunk well.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
