dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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